Hi Zachary, I love you!!
Son, this post is for you. I was reminded today of how kids react to certain situations of stress, like divorce, divided loyalty, new partners, moving etc., and in our case being alienated from one another. I've spent considerable time researching PAS (parental alienation syndrome) and recently it has come to my attention how guilt may affect you later in life especially in your formative years. I know there are many emotions that you will naturally go through given our circumstances, the second phase is what I believe you are experiencing now which is total disregard and hatred towards me. Anger, resentment and abandonment issues are all normal reactions to dealing with my absence, as well as alignment with Simon Moon and mom in a campaign of denigration against me is also a typical reaction. These aggressive feelings you may have are unfortunately normal given what you have been subjected to and I want you to know that I understand completely. If it weren't for the network of support I have it would crush me to think of your feelings towards me right now but because I have prepared and understand the cycle of abuse I am able to deal with it in completely different light.
The reason why I am telling you this is because I don't want you to go through that cycle of guilt that you will inevitably feel one day for hating me today, for choosing mom and Simon over me. You will always have me as your father, you will have my support and my unconditional love despite what anyone may tell you or what you may think. I know that you have to do what makes you feel good right now and I also know that one day that may make you feel bad and I wish I could spare you from that, perhaps when we talk you will finally understand that nothing you did contributed or in any way hurt me to the point that I would ever leave you or stop loving you.
Adults do stupid things and I have done my fair share of stupid things in life. Giving your mom full custody was a stupid thing I realize that now.. but I never thought in a million years that she would cut me out of your lives completely. I thought she always had your best interest in mind and at heart but I know now that's just not true. There's nothing I can do about the past I can only change what happens in your future regarding our relationship, so that's why I write this blog and keep telling my story and help others through my experience. And maybe one day when you finally do decide to read this you may not like what you read, you may hate me even more but that too shall pass because in the end you are my son and I know that you love me.
Don't ever regret what you feel today, don't ever feel bad for things you've said about me because none of that matters. All that matters is that I will always love you no matter what and that I will always be there for you even though that seems impossible to imagine right now. I will never give up on you kids, never stop fighting for your right to know me and to finally understand that your Dad never abandoned you, never left you and never, ever stopped thinking of you for a second!
I've attached a couple of websites for you to read through in the hopes that it may explain and help you understand some of the feelings you have and will go through as you mature and become aware of your situation.
I love you very much,